Archive for January, 2009

PMS Alerts – A Necessity?

This morning a good friend of mine sent me a web link he thought I’d be interested in.  Check it out at www.pmsbuddy.com  Now this friend has a history of sending me stuff that will piss me off and this friendly email was no different.  I checked the site out and after my blood pressure came back down to normal – I realized there was some educational value to the site.  The site allows people to ask questions about menstruation and PMS, and although I found it to be quite biased, they were TRYING to educate people.  The part that pisses me off is that it is making a joke of something that I think is really serious.  What happens when a guy gets an “alert” that his girlfriend, wife, mother, sister, or daughter is getting ready for PMS?  He’ll probably dismiss her and attribute her behavior to PMS.  But you know what?  Not everything is due to PMS.  She might just be having a crappy day and you did something to piss her off.  So, instead of relying on her monthly calendar……sit down and have a conversation and listen to what she has to say.  That will go way farther than the simple “hmmm, it’s that time of month.”  

One thing my friend forgot to realize…….there comes a day when a woman stops getting her period.  Most of my friends are just about there.  I doubt the alert system works for menopausal women.  What happens then?

The Day Aunt Flo Comes To Visit

final_cover1I remember waiting for the day my first period would come.  I wondered where I would be when it came and I worried that I might be in school or even worse, at a swim meet. I worried that I’d be wearing white pants and I was scared that everyone would know! The truth is…… I worried about a lot of things when it came to my first period and I had tons of questions.

Girls today still worry. In fact, worrying about a first period is very normal. What concerns me is that a young girl’s experience with her first period is shaped by how well-informed she is about menstruation – making it really important to learn as much as she can. I am a strong advocate of parents talking to their kids about the changes that happen during puberty – to daughters as well as sons.

I saw a study the other day that said less than 19% of adolescents feel they have someone to talk to about personal issues such as these.  This troubles me.  Now I know that some kids get “health education”  starting in 5th grade, but in my opinion, the information they get in these classes is too little and much too late!  Kids need to know about puberty and sexuality way before 5th grade.  I talked to my kids about puberty, development, and sexuality issues as soon as they were old enough to listen.  I wanted them to hear it from me and I wanted them to always know they could come to me with questions.

Those of us with kids know that somewhere around middle school we begin to lose them. Friends become very important and are usually their main sources for information.  Before this time, however, they want and need to hear it from the people they trust the most- their parents.

I wrote THE DAY AUNT FLO COMES TO VISIT: AN HONEST CONVERSATION ABOUT GETTING YOUR PERIOD both for young girls and their parents.  I wanted a book that parents and daughters could read together.  The book is straightforward and honest and answers the most common questions that girls have about getting their periods – such as when will it come?, who should I tell?, what should I do?,  can I still swim?, and pads or tampons? The book is designed to help girls understand more about the biology of menstruation, along with the common emotional and psychological reactions. I explore why and how periods happen and what they feel like and share personal stories from girls who have already had their first period.  In these stories, readers learn what these girls thought about, worried about, and where they were when their first period came.  Some of these girls had positive experiences and some had negative experiences.   Some felt excited and some felt scared.  The common thread in all of their stories is a wish that they would have been more prepared and knew more about what to expect.  In fact, that is what inspired me to write this book.  My goal in writing this book and talking to girls about menstruation is to help them become more knowledgable and, in turn, more confident about becoming a woman.

When my daughter got her first period I threw a party complete with a red “period” cake, ice cream,  and presents.  I wanted her to know how excited we were.  I also wanted her to see that getting your first period isn’t something to be embarassed about – it’s something to celebrate!  Now we talk about periods and girl stuff all the time.  She knows that I’m here for her.  And if I don’t have the answers to her questions, she knows I’ll help her find them.  I’d much rather have her asking me then relying on her friends, who might not give her reliable information.

If you are interested in the book, go to www.bestdaymedia.com for ordering information.  If you have comments or questions, I’d love to hear them!

I’m NOT turned on by monkey sex!

hanlon-082Have you heard there’s new research that has found a disconnect between how turned on a woman is and how turned on she thinks she is?  (see What Do Women Want?).  Researcher Meredith Chivers placed male and female subjects in front of a video screen to watch porn.  The women had plastic probes placed in their vaginas to measure vaginal lubrication and swelling (one of the first signs of sexual arousal in women) while the men had peter meters to measure erectile response.  Various films were shown depicting straight and gay sex, masturbation, and naked men and women either walking down the beach or working out.  In addition, she showed the subjects a film of  bonobos (apes) mating.  The men had a “classic” arousal pattern – if they were straight they responded most intensely to the straight and lesbian sex, and if they were gay they responded to the gay sex.  Penises and brains were in full agreement. However, it was a different story for the women.  While they had strong and fast physiological arousal to all the sexual scenes ( including the apes) – but they didn’t report feeling horned up!    Why not?  Well, there could be several reasons really – socially women aren’t encouraged to be sexual and have always been taught that “good girls don’t.”  They also can’t see their clitoral response since it is internal, unlike the penis.

Even so, there are many things about this study I think deserve our full attention.    Could it be that women’s sexual arousal is connected to totally different issues – such as the need to be sexually desirable and wanted?   This would help explain the tremendous drop in sexual desire and interest in long-term relationships.  Could it be that women who desire and crave sex do so because of their need to be wanted….and when they are wanted they lose the desire later on.  Hmmm, something to think about for sure.

All of these issues are intesting and contribute to our knowledge about sexuality.  I think women’s sexuality is much more complex than men’s – especially given all the social pressures on women.  They are taught from a young age to fear sex, to fear someone taking advantage of them, and to fear rape.  Sex is often viewed as a bad thing.  But women are beautiful and the image of women in the media is sexy and slim.  Why wouldn’t a woman be sexually aroused by attractive women and men, regardless of sexual orientation.  Women are hot!  It’s the monkey thing I’m still trying to figure out here.  Good luck with that one.

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