Archive for the ‘sex and gender differences’ Category

Teaching Women about Sexuality

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

This spring, Hannah Dowling, an independent filmmaker came to the University of Hartford to film my human sexuality class. She is producing a documentary about the impact of sexuality education on young women, addressing what we teach young women, what we should be teaching them, and how sexuality education received during the middle and high-school years can affect women later in life. It was interesting to see what students had to say about female sexuality and hear their memories of their own sex education (or lack thereof).

I talked about the importance of talking to young girls about sexuality, including issues related to sexual pleasure. My daughter, Reagan, also discussed her thoughts about what high school aged girls think about sexuality. It’s no secret that most standard health education classes in schools discuss male ejaculation (and male orgasm), but out leave female sexual pleasure and orgasm. As a result, many female college students don’t know about the clitoris or about how to experience sexual pleasure.

I am very excited to see Hannah’s final product. I will review it here as soon as it is available. In the meantime, let’s talk to girls about sexuality in its entirety. Sexual pleasure has a place in these conversations.

Tags: female pleasure, female sexuality, Hannah Dowling
Posted in female sexuality, sex, sex and gender differences, sex on campus | No Comments »

Does Sex End at 70?

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

A recent study found that the average person’s sex life ends at the age of 70 (click here for more information). Relationship factors, social pressures, and failing health are mostly to blame. Interestingly, even though the study found that men lose more years of sexual activity than women, it also found that 40% of 75-85-year old men are still sexually active, but only 17% of women in this age group are. Older women tend to be healthier than men, but there may be other issues at play here. Unlike men, older women certainly aren’t viewed as “sexy” or “distinguished.” There are also few images of older women in the media today. Falling levels of estrogen during menopause may also contribute. Estrogen is responsible for many things, but decreasing levels have been linked to vaginal dryness and pain during intercourse.

One of my goals in educating people about human sexuality, is to help them understand the normal changes involved in aging and how these changes may affect sexual functioning. We’re all going to get old – but learning how to take care of ourselves and maintain good health will certainly give us the opportunity to have a longer, healthier, and more satisfying sex lives.

Tags: female sexuality, sex and aging
Posted in marital sex, sex, sex and aging, sex and gender differences | No Comments »

Post-Coital Connections.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

“Why do women always want to cuddle after sex?”

“Why do men just want to fall asleep after sex?”

Theses are two of the most common questions I get when people find out I’m a sexologist. Many women do report a desire for cuddling and connection after sex, while many men do wish they could roll over and go to sleep without the chatter. What’s going on?

It’s probably due to many factors, including culture, socialization, and biology. Women have been socialized to pair sex with love and emotional connection. As a result, many women need/want affirmation that their partners care about them. So, a woman’s need to cuddle and connect may be a need to affirm there are feelings connected with the deed. Men, on the other hand, have been socialized not to be sensitive and emotionally connected. This leads to a need to disconnect sex and emotions. There are also some things going on biologically that contribute to these events. For example, orgasm triggers a release of various neurotransmitters – and many of these work to connect partners (take Oxytocin for example, a chemical that is released during orgasm but also released during breastfeeding, which triggers a strong emotional connection between mother and child). In fact, my advice has always been to never have sex with someone you don’t like since you may fall in love with them.

Other Freudian therapists propose the differences in post-coital connections come from our relationship with our mother. Women connect sex with love because they feel unconsciously guilty about having more sexual pleasure than their mothers, while men separate sex and love so they won’t get too connected to women. This allows them to keep distance between them and their original relationship with a woman - their mother.

While there are certainly differences in how men and women respond after sex, we have to be careful making broad generalizations here. I’ve talked to plenty of women who just want to fall asleep after an orgasm and plenty of guys who do like to cuddle and talk. It’s just important for us to know what our personal partners like so that we can understand their needs and wants during sex.

Tags: cuddling, gender differences in sex, motives, neurotransmitters, orgasm
Posted in random rants, sex and gender differences, sex questions | 3 Comments »