Archive for the ‘puberty’ Category

First Wet Dreams: Do you Remember?

Last year I published a book for girls about their experiences with puberty and getting their periods (The Day Aunt Flo Comes To Visit: An Honest Conversation about Getting Your Period).  In my research, I found that many girls are  nervous as puberty approaches and the majority want more information.  After I completed this study I began to wonder if boys had similar experiences with puberty.  

The hallmark event of male puberty is a noctural emission, or wet dream.  The majority of boys experience a wet dream at some point, although my research has revealed that few remember the event.   There are exceptions – take the one young man who told me that his first wet dream occurred while he was sleeping in the car on a long family trip to Florida.  It’s no surprise he has a clear memory of this event since it was utterly embarassing for him (not only were his older sisters sitting next to him in the car, but he also had to ask his parents to stop so he could clean up).  If you’re a guy, I’m curious about your memories of your first wet dream?  Do you remember?  Were you prepared for the event?  Did you tell anyone?

Some other interesting findings from my research:

- many boys feel unprepared for the changes that will occur during puberty;

- but few are nervous about the inpending changes; 

- boys who reach puberty earlier than their friends feel empowered (interesting to compare this to early-maturing girls who often feel embarrassed and experience a significant dip in self-esteem);

- during puberty the first change most boys experience is an increase in body hair and unwanted erections (both of which caused high levels of embarrassment);

- voice cracking was another common event for boys during  puberty;

- many boys laugh off the unwanted erections and voice cracking – some even calling attention to the erections in middle and high school;

- wet dreams were common and typically the first one occurs around the age of 13;

- most boys believe the first wet dream involves urine, at least initially;

- most boys feel unprepared for their first wet dream, which typically occurs before they expect it to.

Research has found that the majority of family communication about puberty and sexuality occurs between mothers and daughters.  Parents are more likely to talk to their daughters, rather than their sons, about these issues.  Society typically expects boys to figure it out on their own.  In fact, the two most popular sources of information for boys are friends and school. When boys are asked what they would prefer their main source of information to be – they say their parents. 

The bottom line?  Boys need and want to know what’s happening to their bodies (and they’d like to know more about what’s happening in girl’s bodis as well….).  It’s time for us to start giving them the information they need.

The Presence of Dad

Why might girls raised without biological fathers in the home get their periods earlier than girls raised in intact families?  Research has found that fathers may provide chemical “signals” which delay the onset of puberty in their daughters.  Think about this:  approximately 18% of girls living in intact families experience their first period by the age of 11 – yet 25% of girls from divorced families and 35% of girls living in stepfamilies get their first period by 11 or younger.

The younger a girl is when her biological father moves out, the earlier she will often experience her first menstrual period.  In fact, the first 7 years of a girl’s life are the critical time period.  If a girl’s biological father moves out during this time, her biological pathways to puberty can be re-wired leading to earlier pubertal development and menstruation.  The presence of a step-father or other non-related male has also been found to “speed up” physical maturation, leading to earlier sexual readiness.

We know that earlier puberty and menstruation have been found to be related to many negative events – including earlier sexual activity which can lead to increased risks of teenage pregnancy and STDs.  Because of this, I think it’s worth taking a good look at this research to evaluate what is going on.  We know that it’s possible that several other factors may also be at work here – including living in an urban environment (less impact of chemical messages from biological father, which may lead to earlier periods), environmental and chemical toxins, and lifestyles.  

Let’s do an informal poll:  Did you live with your biological father in the first 7 years of your life?  And, how old were you when you got your period?

The Day Aunt Flo Comes To Visit

final_cover1I remember waiting for the day my first period would come.  I wondered where I would be when it came and I worried that I might be in school or even worse, at a swim meet. I worried that I’d be wearing white pants and I was scared that everyone would know! The truth is…… I worried about a lot of things when it came to my first period and I had tons of questions.

Girls today still worry. In fact, worrying about a first period is very normal. What concerns me is that a young girl’s experience with her first period is shaped by how well-informed she is about menstruation – making it really important to learn as much as she can. I am a strong advocate of parents talking to their kids about the changes that happen during puberty – to daughters as well as sons.

I saw a study the other day that said less than 19% of adolescents feel they have someone to talk to about personal issues such as these.  This troubles me.  Now I know that some kids get “health education”  starting in 5th grade, but in my opinion, the information they get in these classes is too little and much too late!  Kids need to know about puberty and sexuality way before 5th grade.  I talked to my kids about puberty, development, and sexuality issues as soon as they were old enough to listen.  I wanted them to hear it from me and I wanted them to always know they could come to me with questions.

Those of us with kids know that somewhere around middle school we begin to lose them. Friends become very important and are usually their main sources for information.  Before this time, however, they want and need to hear it from the people they trust the most- their parents.

I wrote THE DAY AUNT FLO COMES TO VISIT: AN HONEST CONVERSATION ABOUT GETTING YOUR PERIOD both for young girls and their parents.  I wanted a book that parents and daughters could read together.  The book is straightforward and honest and answers the most common questions that girls have about getting their periods – such as when will it come?, who should I tell?, what should I do?,  can I still swim?, and pads or tampons? The book is designed to help girls understand more about the biology of menstruation, along with the common emotional and psychological reactions. I explore why and how periods happen and what they feel like and share personal stories from girls who have already had their first period.  In these stories, readers learn what these girls thought about, worried about, and where they were when their first period came.  Some of these girls had positive experiences and some had negative experiences.   Some felt excited and some felt scared.  The common thread in all of their stories is a wish that they would have been more prepared and knew more about what to expect.  In fact, that is what inspired me to write this book.  My goal in writing this book and talking to girls about menstruation is to help them become more knowledgable and, in turn, more confident about becoming a woman.

When my daughter got her first period I threw a party complete with a red “period” cake, ice cream,  and presents.  I wanted her to know how excited we were.  I also wanted her to see that getting your first period isn’t something to be embarassed about – it’s something to celebrate!  Now we talk about periods and girl stuff all the time.  She knows that I’m here for her.  And if I don’t have the answers to her questions, she knows I’ll help her find them.  I’d much rather have her asking me then relying on her friends, who might not give her reliable information.

If you are interested in the book, go to www.bestdaymedia.com for ordering information.  If you have comments or questions, I’d love to hear them!

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