Thanks to Professor Greg Harris for inviting me to speak to his psychology class at Polk State College. It was a fun day and I really enjoyed meeting the students and talking about culture and sexuality. It’s so interesting to talk with students from around the country and find out what they are interested in and what their experiences are. I’m thrilled they love using my textbook, Sexuality Now. I even got to sign a couple copies!!
Thanks for the invitation. Good luck with finals everyone!
In 2006, Sister Margaret Farley, an award-winning scholar, published “Just Love: A Framework for Christian Sexual Ethics.” The Vatican recently denounced the book, mostly because of how Farley presented her opinions about same-sex relationships and female masturbation. Farley asserted that same-sex marriage could be an important step to reducing the hatred, rejection, and stigmatization aimed at gays and lesbians. The Vatican responded that opinions such as these were “unacceptable” since homosexual acts are “acts of grave depravity” and “intrinsically disordered.” In talking about female masturbation, Farley claimed that many women enjoyed masturbation and that she believed it can help teach women about their bodies and sexual pleasure.
Given the enormous pressure to conform to the Vatican’s teachings, I applaud Sister Margaret Farley for thinking outside the box and for having enough strength in her convictions to share them publicly. I think it is time for organized religion to take a good look at the importance of sexuality and began talking about it. It can only make the world a better place.
For more information on this story, CLICK HERE
Q: What does it mean when your partner says they want to “get you off”?
A: They want to make you have an orgasm – either manually (with their hand), orally (with their mouth). or by body contact (grinding).
The “Period” group met again this weekend. This group, made up of high school students, meets to discuss sex. At first they wanted to learn more about menstruation and our first few meetings revolved around periods, cramps, tampons, etc. But the group has evolved to a place where we can talk about a variety of issues related to sexuality. In our recent meeting, the students began talking about homosexuality. We talked about the current status of same-sex marriage and what this meant. At this point, only Connecticut, Massachusetts, Iowa, New Hampshire, and Vermont give same-sex couples the right to marry. The District of Columbia will probably begin allowing same-sex marriages sometime in February. However, battles over same-sex marriage continue and legislation was recently defeated in New Jersey and New York. A vote in Maine overturned same-sex marriage legislation in mid-November. But our discussion the other night wasn’t about which states allow same-sex marriage. What students wanted to talk about was why anyone would not want gays around them.
One comment that was made that night keeps ringing in my head. It was said by one of the female students in response to “what if you had a kid that was gay?” She said “honestly, I hope my son is gay!” This comment really made me think about being a high schooler myself years ago. At that time, there were no “out” students and there were no gay/straight alliances. Of course there were gay students but most weren’t out. Times have changed and so have the students opinions about homosexuality. It’s refreshing to see because it shows you how today’s youth embrace diversity and understand it at a much deeper level than many adults. They often find it hard to believe that anyone would want to deny a gay couple to marry.
My thoughts about this high school group keep running through my head, especially today since it was a historic day for same-sex marriage. A groundbreaking, historic U.S. federal trial began in San Francisco today and it will likely determine whether states will be allowed to ban same-sex marriage. This case will probably be appealed to the U.S. Supreme Court at some point, potentially resulting in a federal same-sex marriage law. Unfortunately this may not be the outcome and we won’t know for at least a couple of years. Many people are watching this trial very closely (and we would be watching it even closer on YouTube if the Supreme Court didn’t block videotaped coverage this afternoon). Hopefully the YouTube issue will be resolved within the next few days and we’ll be able to see what’s happening in the trial.
I am so thankful to be surrounded by young minds – and even more thankful they feel comfortable enough opening up and discussing these important issues. You all rock!
I always get so excited this time of year. The weather gets cooler, the leaves begin to change, and I get back in the classroom. I have been a college professor for over 20 years now. While I have taught a variety of courses, my favorite has always been the sex course. Why? Well, this is a class which often generates high student interest. Students always want to learn about sex. They love to talk about it and explore various sexual attitudes, practices, and behaviors.
I have found that many students have never talked to their parents about sex. Instead they come to the course with a basic sexual knowledge from friends, television, books, magazines, and in some cases, a health education class somewhere along the way. For the most part, knowledge levels are fairly remedial. Because of this, I sepnd a great deal of time exploring the foundations of human sexuailty – including male/female anatomy and physiology. It always surprises me how little most students (and most people in general) know about their own bodies. Male students have asked me why they have “split streams” when they try and pee with an erection, while female students ask how they can pee with a tampon in (let me know if you need any answers here…).
Anxieties are typically high the first few days of class – this is exactly why I like to keep it light and use lots of humor. Laughing can help reduce anxieties, which in turn will help in the learning process. Students who are anxious often have difficulties understanding and/or assimilating new information. In my perfect world, the sex class I teach at our university would be taughter much earlier. In fact, I think it would be very useful and appropriate for middle school or early high school students. Unfortunately in the U.S. we tend to believe that sexual knowledge is bad. We worry that if we tell kids about sex when they’re young, they will run out and get laid without much thought. We American are good at teaching kids about the negative aspects of sex, such as pregnancy or STDs. But why are we so afraid to talk about the positives about sex? Sex is great. It’s a wonderfully exciting interaction, especially when shared in a loving an dmutually respectful relationship. Great sex and frequent orgasms can make us all happier, healthier, and much more productive.
I have decided to add something new to the Carnal Knowledge blog. Several readers have asked me about the possibility of “guest blogging” about their personal sex lives. I love the idea! If you’ve got a great personal sex story to tell, send it to me at drjanellcarroll@gmail.com and we’ll see about getting it up on Carnal Knowledge. Below is our very first story entitled H2Ohhhh. Let me know what you think!
Dr. Carroll
————————————————————
“Why do women always want to cuddle after sex?”
“Why do men just want to fall asleep after sex?”
Theses are two of the most common questions I get when people find out I’m a sexologist. Many women do report a desire for cuddling and connection after sex, while many men do wish they could roll over and go to sleep without the chatter. What’s going on?
It’s probably due to many factors, including culture, socialization, and biology. Women have been socialized to pair sex with love and emotional connection. As a result, many women need/want affirmation that their partners care about them. So, a woman’s need to cuddle and connect may be a need to affirm there are feelings connected with the deed. Men, on the other hand, have been socialized not to be sensitive and emotionally connected. This leads to a need to disconnect sex and emotions. There are also some things going on biologically that contribute to these events. For example, orgasm triggers a release of various neurotransmitters – and many of these work to connect partners (take Oxytocin for example, a chemical that is released during orgasm but also released during breastfeeding, which triggers a strong emotional connection between mother and child). In fact, my advice has always been to never have sex with someone you don’t like since you may fall in love with them.
Other Freudian therapists propose the differences in post-coital connections come from our relationship with our mother. Women connect sex with love because they feel unconsciously guilty about having more sexual pleasure than their mothers, while men separate sex and love so they won’t get too connected to women. This allows them to keep distance between them and their original relationship with a woman - their mother.
While there are certainly differences in how men and women respond after sex, we have to be careful making broad generalizations here. I’ve talked to plenty of women who just want to fall asleep after an orgasm and plenty of guys who do like to cuddle and talk. It’s just important for us to know what our personal partners like so that we can understand their needs and wants during sex.
By now most of us have caught wind of the legal cases surrounding teen “sexting.” In New Jersey a 14-year old girl is facing sex offender charges and a possible 17 years in jail for posting nude pictures of herself on MySpace (Sexting in NJ). In Pennsylvania felony charges are pending against 3 teens who sent “racy” images of themselves via cell phones (Sexting in PA). Similar sexting cases have recently surfaced in Connecticut, North Dakota, Ohio, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, and Wisconsin. All these cases have motivated lawmakers to use legal charges to discourage teens from sending and receiving “racy” photos.
These cases raise interesting questions about teenage psychological development and teen sexuality, the definition of pornography, and parental responsibilities. First of all, I believe the teens involved in these cases are stupid and naive. They are exploiting themselves with little understanding of the consequences. This is not “child porn” and they are not “accomplices to child porn.” Developmentally, a teen doesn’t view such behaviors the same way that adults do. They post pictures of themselves in their bras and underwear because they don’t think things through or think about the repercussions of their behaviors. It’s impulsive and stupid. Social networking sites and cell phones are new technologies that teens have embraced very quickly, without understanding the potential long-term consequences of these technologies. These teens are innundated with nonstop sexual messages and images. They hear about sex (turn on your radio and listen to any song on the major radio networks), read about sex (pick up any teen magazine and it will tell you how to have great sex and what makes guys hot), watch sex (check out the tv programming they watch today), and talk about sex (listen in on any teen conversation and you’ll get the picture). What is missing from all of this, is good, solid information about sex. Tighter school budgets means less adequate health and sex education classes in middle and high schools across the country. And many parents aren’t talking to their kids about sex. As a result, these teens don’t understand sexuality, see it all around them, and impulsively join in the fun. Why not?
I don’t think that slapping legal charges on a bunch of kids, labeling them as sex offenders, and sending them to jail will help teach kids how serious these things are. Of course they need to learn that there are serious consequences -but how? I think what has to happen is parents need a huge wake up call. They need to be more involved with their kids, talk to them about sex, sexting, social networking sites, use of the Internet, and help them understand the potential long-term consequences of these behaviors.
One more thing before I get off my soapbox – does anyone notice that it’s the girls who are mostly in trouble here? I haven’t seen any sexting cases in which boys send around photos of themselves in their tighty-whiteys. The images are only of girls – and the photos resemble many ads that appear in various women’s magazines today. There is a much bigger problem going on today that involves female sexuality. Girls desperately need to learn about sexuality and understand the importance of self-respect and self-confidence. I’ve seen too many girls give up their bodies in an attempt to find love. The media reinforces that girls need to give up their bodies and their sex in order to get boys to fall in love with them. Sexting and hooking up don’t lead to love. In fact, these things often do just the opposite. It’s time to start talking about this.
A good friend of mine sent me a the link for a very unique cookbook today. “Natural Harvest” is a collection of SEMEN BASED recipes. You read that right – these recipes use semen as an integral ingredient. It’s nutritious, handy, easy-to-get (for most of us), and high in protein. Research claims that semen can even help regulate a woman’s ovulatory and menstrual cycles. Even so, I don’t think I’m alone when I say this totally grosses me out. I don’t know ANYONE who would use semen in their cooking – nutritious or not. I can handle the squiggly little bacteria in my Yoplait, but I don’t need to think about it in my crepes.
But, hey, whatever floats your boat. If you’re looking for a cheap way to add nutrition to some of your favorite recipes - go for it. Use it in your fruit shakes, egg bakes, and meat dishes. Me, I’ll just stick to the good ol fashion way of getting protein.
What about you? Would you consider adding semen to your dishes? What if it were found to be the “perfect” food? What would it take for you to try it? See below for more info:
http://www.lulu.com/content/4956212
Discovery Series: Introduction to Human Sexuality
Sexuality Now: Embracing Diversity, 4th edition
The Day Aunt Flo Comes to Visit: An Honest Conversation About Getting Your Period.
For Better: The Science of a Good Marriage
Who’s Been Sleeping in Your Head: The Secret World of Sexual Fantasies
Unhooked: How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love and Lose at Both
Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys