Does Sex End at 70?

A recent study found that the average person’s sex life ends at the age of 70 (click here for more information). Relationship factors, social pressures, and failing health are mostly to blame.  Interestingly, even though the study found that men lose more years of sexual activity than women, it also found that 40% of 75-85-year old men are still sexually active, but only 17% of women in this age group are.  Older women tend to be healthier than men, but there may be other issues at play here.  Unlike men, older women certainly aren’t viewed as “sexy” or “distinguished.”  There are also few images of older women in the media today. Falling levels of estrogen during menopause may also contribute.  Estrogen is responsible for many things, but decreasing levels have been linked to vaginal dryness and pain during intercourse.

One of my goals in educating people about human sexuality, is to help them understand the normal changes involved in aging and how these changes may affect sexual functioning.  We’re all going to get old – but learning how to take care of ourselves and maintain good health will certainly give us the opportunity to have a longer, healthier, and more satisfying sex lives.

Waiting to Marry

Recent Census numbers reveal Americans are waiting longer to marry.  Whereas in 1956 the average age for marriage was 20 for women and 22 for men, today the average ages are 26 for women and 28 for men. What’s going on?  I remember a funny conversation my roommates and I had back when I was in college. We were trying to guess the ages we would all marry.   While we thought a couple of us would marry right out of college, I was thought to be one of the last who would marry at 25-years old.  At the time 25-years old sounded ancient.  Yet I knew I had lots to do and accomplish before settling down.  I wanted to make a mark on the world and to do this I needed graduate school first.  I ended up finding lots of things to keep me busy and I ended up pushing off marriage until I was 32-years old.  Thinking back now, I’m glad I waited.  It gave me time to work on me and do the things I felt I wanted to do with my life. It also gave me time to find the man I wanted to marry.  When we finally had kids (the first coming when I was 34 and the last at 39-years old), I knew I was really ready.

But there is a trade-off.  I’m sure I’ll be one of the older moms at my kid’s college graduations.  But that’s ok.  I still wouldn’t change a thing.  Some of the younger moms will probably want to go back to school, travel, or work on projects they weren’t able to finish prior to kids.  Maybe I’ll go back to school too – who knows?    In the end, deciding when to marry is an individual decision and one that each of us needs to make on our own.

And I’ll keep hoping and working towards equal rights for all couples who wish to marry, regardless of sexual orientation, race, and gender.  No one should tell us when, how, or if we should be able to marry.

Same-Sex Marriages: A Historic Day

The “Period” group met again this weekend.  This group, made up of high school students, meets to discuss sex. At first they wanted to learn more about menstruation and our first few meetings revolved around periods, cramps, tampons, etc.  But the group has evolved to a place where we can talk about a variety of issues related to sexuality. In our recent meeting, the students began talking about homosexuality.  We talked about the current status of same-sex marriage and what this meant.  At this point, only Connecticut, Massachusetts, Iowa, New Hampshire, and Vermont give same-sex couples the right to marry. The District of Columbia will probably begin allowing same-sex marriages sometime in February.   However, battles over same-sex marriage continue and legislation was recently defeated in New Jersey and New York. A vote in Maine overturned same-sex marriage legislation in mid-November.   But our discussion the other night wasn’t about which states allow same-sex marriage.  What students wanted to talk about was why anyone would not want gays around them.

One comment that was made that night keeps ringing in my head.  It was said by one of the female students in response to “what if you had a kid that was gay?”  She said “honestly, I hope my son is gay!”  This comment really made me think about being a high schooler myself years ago.  At that time, there were no “out” students and there were no gay/straight alliances.  Of course there were gay students but most weren’t out. Times have changed and so have the students opinions about homosexuality.  It’s refreshing to see because it shows you how today’s youth embrace diversity and understand it at a much deeper level than many adults.  They often find it hard to believe that anyone would want to deny a gay couple to marry.

My thoughts about this high school group keep running through my head, especially today since it was a historic day for same-sex marriage. A groundbreaking, historic U.S. federal trial began in San Francisco today and it will likely determine whether states will be allowed to ban same-sex marriage.  This case will probably be appealed to the U.S. Supreme Court at some point, potentially resulting in a federal same-sex marriage law.  Unfortunately this may not be the outcome and we won’t know for at least a couple of years. Many people are watching this trial very closely (and we would be watching it even closer on YouTube if the Supreme Court didn’t block videotaped coverage this afternoon).  Hopefully the YouTube issue will be resolved within the next few days and we’ll be able to see what’s happening in the trial.

I am so thankful to be surrounded by young minds – and even more thankful they feel comfortable enough opening up and discussing these important issues.  You all rock!

The Period Song

The Period Song was written by two very cool high school students – Gigi & Reagan.  They adapted the song “Popular” from the musical Wicked, incorporating important information about periods from the book The Day Aunt Flo Comes to Visit: An Honest Conversation About Getting Your Period.  It’s a really funny song – performed  by two very creative and beautiful young women!  I’ll be posting more videos very soon.  Check this one out here: The Period Song.

Eating Animals

I have been a vegetarian for many years – mostly because I love animals.  I’ve been raising ducks and chickens and I love fresh eggs in the morning. Reading this book by Jonathan Safran Foer wasn’t easy by any stretch – I had nightmares and couldn’t stop thinking of factory farming.  The author talks about how people don’t think about the food they eat because it protects them from knowing the truth about how animals are treated and slaughtered.  He also brings up many good points that leave you thinking.  How can McDonalds possibly afford to sell burgers for next to nothing?  Someone is paying the price – and its the animals.  I highly recommend this book but be advised, it’s not for the faint at heart.

How can we get people to stop eating animals? Let’s remember that vegetarians make better lovers!  Why?  They are healthier. Erectile dysfunction affects millions of men today and research has shown that there are many physical causes. Obesity, high cholesterol, diabetes, prostate cancers or inflammations, and hormonal imbalances have been found to cause the majority of all erectile dysfunction.  Medical science has proven that all of these conditions can be improved with diet and exercise.  And a vegetarian diet is certainly part of this picture.    Check out Eating Animals on Amazon

DIVORCE Around the World

A recent study found that the divorce rate in the U.S. is dropping.  Experts believe that decreasing rates are probably a result of the failing economy more than anything else.  Many couples simply can’t afford to divorce today. They sit back and hope for an economic recovery so the time will be right to end their marriages.  Is this crazy or what?  I think divorce is too easy these days.  If a couple isn’t seeing eye-to-eye, they may opt for divorce since it’s so much more socially acceptable today.  There are even websites where a person can get an “online” divorce without even visiting a lawyer!  Could it be any easier?

This makes me sad on so many different levels.  Mostly I’m sad for the kids.  Divorce is tough on kids and there’s tons of research out there that supports this statement.  That said, tension and anger is also tough on kids.  In fact, chronic anger has been linked to cancer, heart disease, strokes, colds, influenza, depression, and substance abuse (in both the person experiencing the anger AND those around him or her).  So what’s a couple to do?  I thought it might be interesting to see how couples in other parts of the world handle divorce.

Divorce is very different around the world.  The above is of the BIERTAN HOUSE, which stands in a small town in central Romania (population=1,600). The one-room house (right across the street from the town’s church) contains one single bed and one set of silverware.  Couples who are considering divorce must spend two weeks in the Biertan house.  Residents say it works since there has been only one divorce in over 400 years.  What’s going on?  There are probably several factors but communication is a key to any relationship.  Being forced to share such a small space will force a couple to talk.  What else can they possibly do?

In my research I have come across other interesting tidbits  about divorce in other cultures.  Did you know that:

-The lowest divorce rates in the world are in Ireland, Japan, India, and Sri Lanka.

-Divorce is illegal in the Philippines, Malta, and Vatican City.

-60% of divorces in France are mutually initiated (in the U.S. it is typically the women who intiate divorce).

-In Ireland divorce is possible only if a couple has been separated for 4 of 5 of the preceding years of their relationship.

Stay tuned for more cross-cultural exploration of sex and relationships.  Happy Holidays to all!

Do Students Like Taking a Sex Class?

I can’t believe it’s already the end of the fall semester!  Time just flies when you teach about sex!  Although I love teaching this class,  I wish students had the option to take a class like this much earlier in life.  Sometimes I feel like I’m teaching a remedial class – going over information that students should have known back in middle school! (mostly this involves the anatomy & physiology information – how can a man or woman NOT know their own body and how it works?)  Well, I think it’s better late than never!  I will continue to empower parents to talk to their kids about sex and over the next few months I’ll be doing some workshops for parents to help them either begin or continue these talks with their kids.  I’ve always said that parents are the primary educators of their kids.  The sex talk should come from them first – but unfortunately it often doesn’t.  I’m always amazed at how many kids are left in the dark about sex.  Honestly – is not talking about it supposed to make kids not interested in it?  Be serious.

At the end of each sex class I ask my students for feedback about the course – what they liked and didn’t like and what they feel they learned.  Below are some of their thoughts:

Coming into this class, I honestly didn’t know what to expect.  I have never taken a sexuality class!  Honestly, I have to say that I have learned a ton.  I’ve also learned more about myself which makes me feel great. I enjoyed the way you conducted the class and they way you approached certain topics that many people don’t feel comfortable talking about.  The most important element of this class is that you made us feel comfortable about sexuality.  I strongly believe that this made us want to learn and kept us attentive.  This course was full of important information and even though we did not have time to cover everything, I have to say I have a better grasp on my own sexuality. You are the best teacher (and parent).  It’s great that you are so open to us and your kids.  You have the power to change people’s lives and I thank you for all your time and dedication to this class.

I absolutely LOVED this class!  It is a fun class, and you, Dr. Carroll, made it that way.  It could’ve been one of those dry, boring, levture classes where you just stand at the podium and talk at us.  But you cultivated as much discussion and opinion-sharing as you could.  I love to talk about my opinions and views and you encouraged everyone to share their thoughts.  I also love looking at your blog – it’s a great way for students to stay connected to you outside of class [yippee!]

This was honestly one of my favorite classes of my college career!  It provided me with useful information and helped me to analyze my sexuality and become more comfortable with myself, which is great.  It also helped me to come to terms with being sexually assaulted – by learning about it and by also teaching me to communicate with my partner – both of which are really helping me cope.  Thanks so much.

This class was like nothing I have ever done before.  In junior high school, sex class was always boring and the teachers just told us not to do it.  But this class was very informative.  I learned about relationships and sexuality – information that I will use in every aspect of my life.

This class was defintely very beneficial for me.  I learned so much about so many things – midwifes, STIs and how to prevent them, child development and how to talk to kids about sex, and – most importantly – I learned just about every name for a penis and vagina there ever was!  You also gave so many real-life examples that were easy for me to understand and remember.  It really helps to have an open-minded professor like you when discussing such topics as gay marriage because everyone has different opinions on the topic and you were very kind to let us all voice those opinions without judging.    You motivated me to learn more, to read the book, to do research on interesting topics outside the classroom, to do my work, and to come to class.  That’s more than I can say about most teachers here at the University!

I really liked this course.  Growing up in such a religious family and community, a lot of things we learned in this class I never knew.  I thought this course was highly educational, fun, and very interesting.  I loved how open and personal you are with every topic.  This is definitely not a class you need much motivation to go to because it was never boring.  I wish there were more sex classes to take – we need an advanced class! Thanks for such a great and fun class.

I’ve never had a course that was so open to the idea of sex.  The topics we studied were always in full detail, making it very easy to pay attention and stay interested.  I liked talking about other cultures the most.  I never was aware how different each culture was.  The class was a blast and full of information.  Thank you!

I learned so much about things I thought I already knew, but didn’t!

I really don’t want the class to end just yet.  We have so much more to learn!

I liked how you really cared about us and considered our needs in the class.  Most professors are very set in their ways.  Thanks for a great course.  I really learned a lot.

I LOVED this class.  I enjoyed learning about everything.  When my friends have sex questions I can give them answers in a heartbeat now!  Seriously, this was my favorite class and the only reason I woke up early every Monday, Wednesday and Friday!

Whenever I would be studying for this class my roommates would always ask me what we were learning and they were intrigued by some of the things I told them, especially the things they had never known.  I’m happy that by taking this class I now have the opportunity to teach my friends what I’ve learned so that they can also be more educated on such important topics.    What I liked best about this class was how open and comfortable you were while teaching us.  It helped in learning becuase I didn’t feel embarassed to ask questions or to even be learning about this topic!  It’s so important for everyone to be properly educated on this subject because it is such a huge part of our lives.

I really liked this class a lot.  This is the only class I have ever taken in my life that I don’t mind coming to.

This class was great.  Unlike my other classes, I feel like I learned things that will actually help me NOW and also when I leave college.  The information on STIs and birth control were very helpful to learn about, since I can protect myself.  Now I feel that sex is something I am better able to talk about and it doesn’t have to stay “in the bedroom.”

Owens Community College Photos

Owens Community College Photos

Dr. Lorry Cology, a professor in the Social and Behavioral Sciences, teaches the human sexuality course at Owens Community College.  I enjoyed talking to her about her course.  It’s always fun to compare teaching strategies for the sex class!  I also enjoyed hearing her suggestions for the title of my new book on boys and puberty!

Talking Sex at Owens Community College

Two of my biggest fans stop by the Owens CC presentation!

I finally wrapped up my fall “speaking tour” – with a presentation at Owens Community College in Toledo, Ohio. Although I have spent many years in Ohio in my life, I had not been back for a long time.  As a kid my family visited Toledo many times since my grandparents lived there.  When I got older I eventually moved to Granville, Ohio for my undergraduate work.  After getting my degree in psychology, I ended up moving to Newark, Ohio for my first post-college job at Planned Parenthood.  So I have lots of history in Ohio (but truth be told, I’m a huge Michigan fan……..).

Enough reminiscing – let me first apologize for taking so long to get these final “tour” photos up on my blog.  I had some issues with the photo lighting and I think they are better now.  Much thanks to everyone at Owens for their help getting me there AND helping pull off the presentation!  Special thanks to Dr. Lorry Cology, who teaches the human sexuality course at Owens; Dr. Denise Shuster, the Chair of the Social and Behavioral Sciences Department; Chris Zasada & Nick Army, my computer experts from IT; and Patty Parr & Janise Turso from Cengage Learning.  I hope everyone enjoyed the presentation and left with a better understanding of the importance of culture when it comes to evaluating sexuality.  I’d love to hear your thoughts!