Dr. Carroll’s Media Reel - 2009

In this reel, I’ve put together some of the most interesting media work I’ve done over the past few years.  You’ll see clips from various television talk shows and major television news networks.  I’ve also included some footage from a few of the cross-cultural shows I’ve hosted exploring sexuality around the globe.  

I am a strong believer in open and honest conversation about sexuality.  We are innundated with sexual messages and information on a daily basis - sex is all over our magazines, newspapers, radios, and our televisions.  Unfortunately these sources do not provide the information about sex that we really need.  In fact, the material they do present is often factually incorrect.  My goal is to find ways to reduce the anxiety associated with sex talk and encourage open dialogue.  I will continue to travel the world and talk to men and women of all ages in hopes of finding ways to help people learn the importance of talking about sex.  Want to join me? Let’s TALK about sex, baby!

Soy May Sink Your Sperm Count

Research has found that too much soy intake (including tofu, tempeh, tofu or soy “meats,” soy milk, cheeses, yogurts, ice creams, & soy energy bars) may sink a man’s sperm count.  A study in the journal HUMAN REPRODUCTION found that men who ate the equivalent of one soy tofu burger or drank one cup of soy milk every 2 days had 41 million fewer sperm per milliliter of semen than those who didn’t eat/drink soy (normal sperm counts are between 80-120 million per milliliter).   The reason may lie in the fact that soy products contain plant estrogens which have been found to affect overall fertility.

Although this research is interesting, it does not mean men should stop eating/drinking soy.  Critics argue that the researchers who did the above study failed to take into account the subject’s medical histories or other conditions that may have contributed to the lower sperm counts.  In addition, generations of Asian men who regularly consume soy products have not been found to have decreased sperm counts.   The sperm count decreases may have more to do with a man’s weight than his soy intake.  Overweight men produce more estrogen, which can interfere with normal hormone production.  Since American men are more likely to be overweight than Asian men, this helps explain why the study found these differences.  Balance is the key here - taking care of yourself and eating a healthy diet are both key to healthy sperm production.

GUEST COLUMN: My Sex Story

I have decided to add something new to the Carnal Knowledge blog.  Several readers have asked me about the possibility of “guest blogging” about their personal sex lives.  I love the idea!  If you’ve got a great personal sex story to tell, send it to me at drjanellcarroll@gmail.com and we’ll see about getting it up on Carnal Knowledge.  Below is our very first story entitled H2Ohhhh.  Let me know what you think!

Dr. Carroll

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H2Ohhh by Elle L. Bee

A “Red Bull” High - Sex in Marriage

A recent article in the New York Times found that the average married couple has sex 58 times per year (about once a week).  Those under 30 do it a bit more (111 times per year) than older couples.  Interestingly, 15% of couples haven’t done the deed in the last 6 months to one year.  Researchers are trying to learn why sexual frequency decreases in marriages and why some marriages become “sex-less.”  

Discrepancies in desire (having different levels of interest and/or desire for sex) are common in couples - whether they are married, living together, dating, straight, or gay.  In a perfect world every couple would desire sex just as much as their partner but this is uncommon in real life.  Overall the research has found that men have greater sexual motivation, stronger and more insistent sexual feelings, and have more liberal attitudes about sex compared to women.  There are certainly exceptions to this, but for the most part it’s men who are more interested in sex.  Why is this?

Unfortunately there is no clear-cut answer for these differences.  While there is ample research to indicate that it might be sex hormones at fault,  it’s also important to look at social and cultural issues.  Women’s sexuality is enormously affected by social norms and values - while there are many mixed message, the overwhelming message to women is ”good girls don’t.”  At the college level, women with high levels of sexual desire and interest are often labelled ”sluts,” which helps push them back into acceptable behavior. 

But I’m getting off on a tangent here - let’s get back to the sexless marriages.  While the discrepancies in desire can lead to lower levels of sexual behavior, there are clearly other things going on.  Couples are stressed, overwhelmed, and maybe even a little bored of their partners.  The exciting sex that happened at the beginning of the relationship is often replaced with let’s-get-it-done-before-the-kids-wake-up kind of sex.  How do couples get it back?  A good friend of mine talks about a concept he calls the RED BULL HIGH.  In order to get the Red Bull High, a couple allows his or her partner to have sex outside the marriage (just once, or maybe just a couple of times, he’s still working on the exact number here).  He believes that allowing outside sexual partners can bring back passionate sex.  After talking at length with his wife (they have very good communication), she had sex with someone else and then brought the experience back into the marital bedroom.  They have found that this has led to more passionate and intense marital sex.  The question is:  what are the costs of the Red Bull High?  Are they worth it to bring back passionate sex? Would you let your partner have sex with someone else?  Would you want to have sex with someone other than your partner?  Why or why not?

Who’s Been Sleeping in Your Head: The Secret World of Sexual Fantasies

According to London psychotherapist and clinical researcher Brett Kahr, virtually every sexually mature adult generates sexual fantasies that fulfill a wide variety of often unconscious psychological needs. Fantasies include themes of rape, infidelity, homosexuality, pedophilia, incest and, apparently for some Brits, kinky sex with the queen and Margaret Thatcher.  Based on the largest-ever survey of sexual fantasies, and drawing on the author’s twenty-five years of clinical practice, this “anatomy of secret desire” does for sexual fantasy what Kinsey did for sexual behavior. However, unlike Kinsey’s books, which were dense and data-driven, Who’s Been Sleeping in Your Head? features narrative accounts of sexual fantasies and the author’s own insightful interpretations of how those fantasies affect our lives. Kahr reveals the astonishing truth behind secrecy, shame and taboo, and demonstrates how sex fantasies exert a more powerful influence on our emotions, behavior, and relationships than we ever imagined.

 Find book on Amazon

Abortion Doctor Murdered in Kansas

Dr. George Tiller, medical director of the Women’s Health Care Services in Wichita Kansas, was gunned down in his Kansas church yesterday (Kansas Abortion Doctor Killed in Church).  Dr. Tiller’s clinic was one of only 3 in the country that offers abortion services after 21 weeks (called late-term abortion).  Over the past few years Dr. Tiller had experienced various acts of violence and multiple threats (both of his arms were shot in 1993 - with the shooter hoping Dr. Tiller wouldn’t be able to perform abortions anymore). Although many pro-choice groups claim Dr. Tiller deserved to die for all the innocent lives he took - I believe his death is an enormous tragedy.   We all need to think through these issues for ourselves and our families.  Do you believe that women should have access to legal abortion?  If so, how far along in pregnancy should this option be available?  If you do not think abortion should be legal, why not?  What options do you think a woman with an unplanned pregnancy has?

First Wet Dreams: Do you Remember?

Last year I published a book for girls about their experiences with puberty and getting their periods (The Day Aunt Flo Comes To Visit: An Honest Conversation about Getting Your Period).  In my research, I found that many girls are  nervous as puberty approaches and the majority want more information.  After I completed this study I began to wonder if boys had similar experiences with puberty.  

The hallmark event of male puberty is a noctural emission, or wet dream.  The majority of boys experience a wet dream at some point, although my research has revealed that few remember the event.   There are exceptions - take the one young man who told me that his first wet dream occurred while he was sleeping in the car on a long family trip to Florida.  It’s no surprise he has a clear memory of this event since it was utterly embarassing for him (not only were his older sisters sitting next to him in the car, but he also had to ask his parents to stop so he could clean up).  If you’re a guy, I’m curious about your memories of your first wet dream?  Do you remember?  Were you prepared for the event?  Did you tell anyone?

Some other interesting findings from my research:

- many boys feel unprepared for the changes that will occur during puberty;

- but few are nervous about the inpending changes; 

- boys who reach puberty earlier than their friends feel empowered (interesting to compare this to early-maturing girls who often feel embarrassed and experience a significant dip in self-esteem);

- during puberty the first change most boys experience is an increase in body hair and unwanted erections (both of which caused high levels of embarrassment);

- voice cracking was another common event for boys during  puberty;

- many boys laugh off the unwanted erections and voice cracking - some even calling attention to the erections in middle and high school;

- wet dreams were common and typically the first one occurs around the age of 13;

- most boys believe the first wet dream involves urine, at least initially;

- most boys feel unprepared for their first wet dream, which typically occurs before they expect it to.

Research has found that the majority of family communication about puberty and sexuality occurs between mothers and daughters.  Parents are more likely to talk to their daughters, rather than their sons, about these issues.  Society typically expects boys to figure it out on their own.  In fact, the two most popular sources of information for boys are friends and school. When boys are asked what they would prefer their main source of information to be - they say their parents. 

The bottom line?  Boys need and want to know what’s happening to their bodies (and they’d like to know more about what’s happening in girl’s bodis as well….).  It’s time for us to start giving them the information they need.

The Presence of Dad

Why might girls raised without biological fathers in the home get their periods earlier than girls raised in intact families?  Research has found that fathers may provide chemical “signals” which delay the onset of puberty in their daughters.  Think about this:  approximately 18% of girls living in intact families experience their first period by the age of 11 - yet 25% of girls from divorced families and 35% of girls living in stepfamilies get their first period by 11 or younger.

The younger a girl is when her biological father moves out, the earlier she will often experience her first menstrual period.  In fact, the first 7 years of a girl’s life are the critical time period.  If a girl’s biological father moves out during this time, her biological pathways to puberty can be re-wired leading to earlier pubertal development and menstruation.  The presence of a step-father or other non-related male has also been found to “speed up” physical maturation, leading to earlier sexual readiness.

We know that earlier puberty and menstruation have been found to be related to many negative events - including earlier sexual activity which can lead to increased risks of teenage pregnancy and STDs.  Because of this, I think it’s worth taking a good look at this research to evaluate what is going on.  We know that it’s possible that several other factors may also be at work here - including living in an urban environment (less impact of chemical messages from biological father, which may lead to earlier periods), environmental and chemical toxins, and lifestyles.  

Let’s do an informal poll:  Did you live with your biological father in the first 7 years of your life?  And, how old were you when you got your period?

Post-Coital Connections.

“Why do women always want to cuddle after sex?” 

“Why do men just want to fall asleep after sex?”

Theses are two of the most common questions I get when people find out I’m a sexologist.   Many women do report a desire for cuddling and connection after sex, while many men do wish they could roll over and go to sleep without the chatter.   What’s going on?

It’s probably due to many factors, including culture, socialization, and biology.  Women have been socialized to pair sex with love and emotional connection.   As a result, many women need/want affirmation that their partners care about them.   So, a woman’s need to cuddle and connect may be a need to affirm there are feelings connected with the deed.  Men, on the other hand, have been socialized not to be sensitive and emotionally connected. This leads to a need to disconnect sex and emotions.  There are also some things going on biologically that contribute to these events.  For example, orgasm triggers a release of various neurotransmitters - and many of these work to connect partners (take Oxytocin for example, a chemical that is released during orgasm but also released during breastfeeding, which triggers a strong emotional connection between mother and child).   In fact, my advice has always been to never have sex with someone you don’t like since you may fall in love with them.

Other Freudian therapists propose the differences in post-coital connections come from our relationship with our mother.  Women connect sex with love because they feel unconsciously guilty about having more sexual pleasure than their mothers, while men separate sex and love so they won’t get too connected to women.  This allows them to keep distance between them and their original relationship with a woman - their mother.

While there are certainly differences in how men and women respond after sex, we have to be careful making broad generalizations here.   I’ve talked to plenty of women who just want to fall asleep after an orgasm and plenty of guys who do like to cuddle and talk.  It’s just important for us to know what our personal partners like so that we can understand their needs and wants during sex.

Child Porn & Sexting

By now most of us have caught wind of the legal cases surrounding teen “sexting.”  In New Jersey a 14-year old girl is facing sex offender charges and a possible 17 years in jail  for posting nude pictures of herself on MySpace (Sexting in NJ).   In Pennsylvania felony charges are pending against 3 teens who sent “racy” images of themselves via cell phones (Sexting in PA).  Similar sexting cases have recently surfaced in Connecticut, North Dakota, Ohio, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, and Wisconsin.  All these cases have motivated lawmakers to use legal charges to discourage teens from sending and receiving “racy” photos.

These cases raise interesting questions about teenage psychological development and teen sexuality, the definition of pornography, and parental responsibilities.  First of all, I believe the teens involved in these cases are stupid and naive.  They are exploiting themselves with little understanding of the consequences.  This is not “child porn” and they are not “accomplices to child porn.”  Developmentally, a teen doesn’t view such behaviors the same way that adults do.  They post pictures of themselves in their bras and underwear because they don’t think things through or think about the repercussions of their behaviors.  It’s impulsive and stupid.  Social networking sites and cell phones are new technologies that teens have embraced very quickly, without understanding the potential long-term consequences of these technologies.  These teens are innundated with nonstop sexual messages and images.  They hear about sex (turn on your radio and listen to any song on the major radio networks), read about sex (pick up any teen magazine and it will tell you how to have great sex and what makes guys hot), watch sex (check out the tv programming they watch today), and talk about sex (listen in on any teen conversation and you’ll get the picture).  What is missing from all of this, is good, solid information about sex.  Tighter school budgets means less adequate health and sex education classes in middle and high schools across the country.  And many parents aren’t talking to their kids about sex.  As a result, these teens don’t understand sexuality, see it all around them, and impulsively join in the fun.  Why not?

I don’t think that slapping legal charges on a bunch of kids, labeling them as sex offenders, and sending them to jail will help teach kids how serious these things are.  Of course they need to learn that there are serious consequences -but how?  I think what has to happen is parents need a huge wake up call.  They need to be more involved with their kids, talk to them about sex, sexting, social networking sites, use of the Internet, and help them understand the potential long-term consequences of these behaviors.

One more thing before I get off my soapbox - does anyone notice that it’s the girls who are mostly in trouble here?  I haven’t seen any sexting cases in which boys send around photos of themselves in their tighty-whiteys.  The images are only of girls - and the photos resemble many ads that appear in various women’s magazines today.  There is a much bigger problem going on today that involves female sexuality.  Girls desperately need to learn about sexuality and understand the importance of self-respect and self-confidence.  I’ve seen too many girls give up their bodies in an attempt to find love.  The media reinforces that girls need to give up their bodies and their sex in order to get boys to fall in love with them.  Sexting and hooking up don’t lead to love.  In fact, these things often do just the opposite.  It’s time to start talking about this.